Monday, March 24, 2008

Sad days, but love surrounds

Hi all: It is very early Monday a.m. I didn't sleep much as John is breathing hard. When the nurses move him or do a breathing treatment, he seems in pain. Then I ask them to give him more pain medication and he breathes more quietly. Although I wake up some here, this is the most restful place for me to sleep. During the day, when others are here I can curl up for a nap now and then. This is the hardest experience of my life and yet I am resting in the love that surrounds me. It comes from John, family, you guys, and the Universe in general. And I know John is experiencing it too.

Family is here and many friends have been coming. Yesterday Jim Allan, KC Dignan, Jim Thatcher, Diana Seidel, and Bill Morgan drove from Austin and Melissa Craven flew from San Francisco. Judith Sokolow and George La Salle, who had come on Saturday, were here in the morning and joined Peter, Ledia, Wolf and me for breakfast in the hotel. In various groups, we've gone out for some lovely meals, including interior Mexican food at Hugo's last night. Myles took the day off to rest in his hotel room and read the New York Times. I know he is very sad.

Everyone is sad to see John so sick and not able to communicate with us. But I know that he hears us tell him we love him. There is really nothing to we can do--no food to buy and feed him (he is given nutrition in an IV solution), no cajoling him into taking medicines or drinking water in the way they trained us for safer swallowing (he gets everything by IVs), no conversations (he is sleeping and doesn't speak)--nothing. We can only be---be here with him, hold his warm hands, breathe deeply in his presence, meditate and pray, play healing music and join him on this amazing journey of love.

Sending love to all of you,
Anna and John


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